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Happiness Is A Choice

Lars HindsleyBy Lars Hindsley Tue 8 Jan 2013 5:09 AM EST | 2140 Views
(DL) – A friend once told me,"Lars you have so much power over women, if you only knew how to use it."  I was naive. When I found a love that was meant to last, it was pure accident. 

Before I discuss love's place in happiness, it's wise to understand that before love for anyone else, you must first choose to see yourself as worthy of it. Some say, you must first learn to love yourself. It's something like that. You see, people are creatures of habit. We can spiral in a positive direction with a habit of positive nature, or spiral into a negative direction with a habit of negative nature. Each feeds on itself. To change for the better you must first stop your negative spiral before thinking of turning into the direction of a positive spiral.

This logic applies to relationships as well. Your relationship is either in a positive spiral or negative spiral. But let's stay on topic. You can't find happiness in an activity or substance. Nothing brings you happiness. You choose happiness. Happiness is long term. Any other means to happiness outside of choice is a cop-out and is short term. 

There are times that happiness can be taken from you and to make that choice of happiness seems impossible. Take for instance the bond to another human being. Love. Now let's talk about that power of love and how it affects happiness.

Only heaven can tell you if I ever had power over women. I never knew it. I never saw it. I just knew that being happy with myself may draw another happy person to me. There is a saying in music, "You're audience will find you." Being yourself is the key. No, not that easy going attitude of being yourself but doing what you enjoy is being yourself. Do what you enjoy, live the lifestyle you love and someone that shares those interest and values will have a life that aligns with your own.

People told me to not to look for love and I knew their remarks were subjective. Yet I was wise enough then to think I should look for love. Why? I knew something more. It wasn't look or don't look. They were right yet I was right. There was an answer in between the two.
In my memory was the answer that people advised against. I could not run away from that memory. The answer was hidden in the concept of fate. I believe in freewill. I believe we make our destiny, even if only to a degree. A song would manifest from something I understood in life. I knew 'better' than to lie in wait for love. The memory that manifested in me is the song I wrote Forced Fate. What became the message of Forced Fate? It became that I had inherent knowledge that for me –  I could not make a woman love me, but I could put myself in her path to find me. To that end I could force fate and not look for love, rather I'd put myself in love's path. I just needed to live, and be happy. Getting out there in life solved all my problems.  I would let myself dream.  I choose to be happy. Choose your fate, choose your path of happiness.

One day I found myself single again. OK, I didn't just find myself single. I attempted to transcend influence and break fate. It was not to be. No amount of sacrifice or positive energy was going to survive the unpredictability of an endless game. I argued with God to just let me hold things together for my children, but he rejected my argument out of hand then sent me to the cold side of the sun.

   “When you're cold, don't expect sympathy from someone who's warm.”  – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

What is the point to including this quote? People don't care if you feel alone. People don't care if you are not happy. In the end you either pull yourself out of it and live again, or you die. That comes in many forms. From taking drugs or drinking to forget your pain which only postpones it, or you take your life out of the sense that someone took your ability to be happy with yourself away.  Stolen, taken, whatever word you choose, it's the same. Let instinct drive you forward in that positive spiral or you will fall into that negative spiral. No one stays idle.  Keep telling yourself happiness is a choice. You may not find it right away. It can take days, weeks, months. Hopefully not years... But it will come and you will be better for it. Stronger. I have been there. The most rugged intellectual I know is myself but I can admit, I've been there. To the point I resented my own words and wondered if I could ever believe them.

It's been some time. I woke one morning, free. Stronger than pride, stronger than a memory.  I'm happy because I choose to be. I don't eat up adversity and spit out the bones because I'm a rugged intellectual.  I overcome contretemps as a choice; if you never quit you get there.  The day you quit is the day you fail. 
I once had someone insist to me that I'd never accomplish a goal of mine. They told me they'd break me. They'd ruin and destroy me.  I left them to their devices.  I have few regrets in life.  That day I should have told them, "I admire your confidence, but it doesn't make you right." But I'm here to tell you as I've told my son, never let your adversary see you coming.  He's well on his way to my same higher order of thinking.  And it all starts with a decision to never let anyone else be responsible for your happiness.  Your happiness is your choice, not a generic platitude.

The journey through tough times are as valuable as the good times; the journey is the reward. The power of pain is stronger than the power of satisfaction and peace. Pain can only drive you to a better place –  IF YOU choose it. Everything is what you make it.  A sunny afternoon can leave you in tears if you decide it. And standing in the rain may never feel so much like the sun.  Non problems are matched with non-solutions. Life is what you make it, and happiness is YOUR choice. 

...Oh and that power over women – what an amusing memory. 
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